the confession room

Here’s the thing: I’ve been dealing with a little heartache that’s lead to lots of emotional eating lately. It wasn’t a sudden hurt, it started as a subtle ache, and those could be the worst because they can catch you off guard if you can’t deal with them. It also made it hard to identify why it is I felt the compulsion to eat for something other than hunger. I couldn’t understand why I was ‘hungry’ all the time because I didn’t realize I was upset or anxious; so I fed the physical urge rather than deal with an unidentified emotion. I gained plenty of weight too, about 6 pounds in 4 or 5 days; just food, sitting in my stomach waiting to get used, or stored. I have been exercising though, vigorously, but my caloric input has far outnumbered my output. There was a day I ate over a 1,000 calories over my daily limit. The worst part was I eventually figured out what was going on and I still kept eating. At that point I did it because I wanted to, figured I was already off the wagon. I ate food I knew was bad for me and within minutes I felt my body reacting to it. Cookies, pizza, chips, you name it. Sweet, starchy things that made my blood pressure spike and I got headaches and dizzy spells, I was distracted and I haven’t been getting work done. Then the guilt came and that’s made it worse. I’ve just felt like my old sick, sad self than my healthy, happy self; I miss that. Long story short, I’ve had a bad couple of weeks and I’ve felt no reason to log what I’ve been up to. It felt dishonest to log any type of ‘progress’ when emotionally I’ve taken a step backwards, at least temporarily. But I can write about it some and that helps. I’ve found that writing helps me a lot, it’s like therapy. Even though I know it’s in a public forum (and I will say this is very out of character for me), my goal is to be honest and transparent about this journey. Otherwise I’ll take away some of the value from my success. It’s the only way to be accurate about where I’ve come from and what I’m doing. Anyway, this has been a pretty personal post. I’m looking forward to the next few weeks though. I’ve got some fun stuff coming up the line, including my 5K next week (it should be good!). I’m getting excited to start something new tomorrow, starting another chapter in my journey. I’m getting closer to a big milestone, that’s something to lift my spirits 🙂

Note to self:

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